GLIMMERS…

For Mama

​These dark​ corners in my mind keep expanding, trying so hard to consume the light.

​But even in the darkest dark, these glimmers still come and go, glimmers of light like riding through a tunnel with windows, glimmers of images, of familiarity.

I am confused why they do not stay.

So many faces that I should know… why don’t I?  I don’t understand.

People who act like they know me, who say they are my friends.  They are kind, I am kind, but do I know them?

The darkness seems to cover them in some way, fades into their faces so I can barely see them.  I am confused.

On some days, ​I see a glimmer, one that shows me the man’s face who is so familiar, the one who says he is my son. I ​am confused.

I ​know Mitch​, the man I raised, the good boy,​ but​ is this him?  I should know my own son, why don’t I?

This man comes into the light and he does look like my boy but then the glimmer fades and I don’t see him anymore. I want the glimmer back. I love my son.

​I see Tracey, sometimes I see Tracey. I know my daughter too, don’t I?
This woman who says she is my daughter, my baby girl, she changes with each glimmer, but I think I know her. I know I do sometimes.

I am confused why she does not stay, why the woman says she is her, but she’s different than the day before.   I am thankful when I see the glimmers that contain her.

My comfort lies in the one glimmer that remains constant, I cling to it, I trust it to lead me through the dark corners and pray it stays as the remaining light completely fades.

Bobby is my rock, he remains in the light.
My stronghold.
I am confused why he feels he needs to take care of me.

Am I okay? Is there something wrong they’re not telling me?
I am confused.
I cling to the glimmers and pray they never go away, they’re all I have…

please don’t let them go away.