As I asked for prayer request on Facebook this morning, I kept thinking about all those going through so much more than I am and I lift them up in prayer, even those whose struggle I don’t know. I never, ever think my situation is worse than the next person, I know it is not. I have not lost a child, I am not terminally ill, I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and a car to drive, three wonderful children. And I have a husband who despite his hard headedness is a good man who loves me even when I don’t deserve it, a man who doesn’t deserve some of the things he gets during the day but who sticks to what is right even when at the bottom of the popularity poll and he moves on; I admire that about him. All in all, I am humbled.
I do ask for prayers for Mama today and for Daddy. This week has already been an unusual week for her. We see some bodily changes that are frightening, and quite frankly, not pleasant, signs that we don’t understand but that we knew might be coming. Last night, Daddy brought her to Chase’s game, and she was different. She’s not been Mama for a long time but this was simply different. A fog if you will, a lack of what little clarity I’d been seeing, a lost look in her eyes…. it hurts me to even type this. It was like seeing her slip away as I stared at her. I was asking her questions and saying things to her, eye to eye, and she glared at me, slightly smiled, as if she was deaf, literally. I looked at Daddy who was sitting next to her and said, “I’m talking to her and she’s not hearing me or registering what I’m saying” and I turned to her and said, “Are you hearing me Mama?” and she smiled and never nodded a response, simply smiled, as if she was seeing through me.
One never knows how long these phases last but I see us entering a new one for all of us and it scares me for her, for Daddy, not knowing what will be next. One day at a time, one day at a time. Daddy is strong but even the strongest man can break. As painful as it is to watch Mama, it’s equally painful to watch this changing him, wearing him down. One day at a time, one day at a time.