Moments with Mama… the Bouquet

I share this here so I can keep it with memories I’ve kept of Mama.  I wrote it a few nights ago, a short time before she left us.  I was watching her breath, her little heart struggling, andScreenshot_2015-12-27-21-40-04-1 I was trying to envision her journey as she left us here and went to heaven. Daddy then asked me to say a few words at her funeral (me, a few words…) so I felt led to share this but as we were entering the chapel, I realized it had not printed entirely.  I gasped, literally, but then a peace came over me only from Him or her that reminded me I’d written it from my heart so I shared it the best I could from my heart, I could still see it there.

….for my Mama.

 

The Bouquet

As your soul leaves this earth, I see you entering a field.
Its vastness is to the horizon, the sun is bright.
The field is full of the most beautiful flowers as far as you can see, too many to count.
I can see it.

As you start to walk through, the flowers seem to be calling to you.
You stop to pick one.

As you look at it, you see a memory.
You see your Mama rocking you as a baby.
And the smell of the flower is so sweet.
You smile and hold it to your heart.

You walk a little further to pick another one, not sure what is happening.

As you choose the next one, you see in it yourself sitting in your Daddy’s lap.
And the smell of the flower is so sweet.
You smile and hold it to your heart.

As you continue ahead, flowers in hand, your steps get faster because
you see one beautiful memory in each flower you choose.
Your heart races to see the next one.

There is one of your Mama helping you with your wedding dress,
and another of Daddy standing at the end of the aisle.
You smile and skip to more.

You pick another one and in it is the day you moved into your home where
you would raise your family.
You hold it, you smile, and continue ahead.

There’s one for the day your son was born and then your baby girl.
These make you so happy.
The smell of the flowers is so sweet, you bring them to your heart.
You smile.

Suddenly, ahead, you see six glorious tall sunflowers, standing far above
the others in the field.
You run to them, your heart beating faster, and in each one is the day
a grandchild came into your life.
You smile, and hold these close, the joy overwhelming.
And the smell of the bouquet becomes so much sweeter.

You choose one flower after another until you don’t think you can hold anymore.
You stop, you turn to look behind you, and the flowers
are spread out like eternity, too many to begin to count.
You realize they’re all memories, a life well lived and loved.
You smile.

As you turn to walk ahead, you realize there are still flowers
but they are fewer and farther between, sparse in the field ahead.
Your heart is still full but you are not sure why there are less.

You slow your step and pick one that’s beautiful.
In it you see Mitch coming through the back door calling out
“Hey Mama” and handing you a bouquet, you hold that one to your heart.
You smile.

You walk a little further ahead and you pick the next flower.
You see Tracey driving you around town, giving you a cookie,
and singing a silly song.
You chuckle.

A distance ahead is another one you feel you must have.
You choose it and in it you see your brother holding your hand,
tears in his eyes, and you feel how much he loves you and will miss you.
You smile because you love him too.

And spread throughout this field are random flowers,
each one holding a memory of people who held you close,
whom you held close…..
the special people who married your children,
your friends and family whom you loved with all your heart and who loved you,
each sweet lady who cared for you in your darkest hours.

As you start to get closer to the end of the field,
the flowers coming to an end,
you look up to see the most magnificent flower of the field.
It draws you closer and you run, your heart racing…

As you pick it, you see Daddy holding you, and singing
“I love you a bushel and a peck.”

You smile.  You laugh.  You cry.  You clutch the bouquet to your heart.
You look down and realize your tears are on each flower.
But you smile, the smell of the bouquet so sweet.

You realize this vast field, the magnificent bouquet,
represent more love and memories than one person can hold.
You know you were blessed.
You smile.

You leave the field and hear your name.
You look up to see your Maker waiting, arms outstretched, calling to you.
You run to Him bouquet in hand, so full, and He holds you.

You thank Him for the flowers, the memories, the love.
And He holds your face in His hands as He says,
“Child, you are welcome. I planted each one with only you in mind.”

You smile because you are home.

 

Mama, I love you with every ounce of my soul and I already miss you more than I ever thought was possible.  I thought I missed you so much these past few years as you left us but it was nothing compared to missing the touch of your hand or seeing the smile on your face.  I pray that I can be at least half the person you were and would want me to be but I’m not sure it’s possible.  Be there waiting for me,  I’m counting on it!  

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