I knew it was coming…

Night before last, I was driving Miss Daisy as we like to say when we’re driving Mama around.  This is the time of day we literally take turns driving her around the county to keep her happy and to give Daddy a break mentally and physically.  It’s her sundown time, her toughest, his toughest, and it keeps expanding.  Now it starts about 3 p.m. and ends around 7 or 8 p.m.  And by the way, when we’re out riding, I realize Mama would make a good “Yard of the Month” judge – she critiques everybody’s yard as we go by.  If you ever want an honest opinion on how your yard looks, just let me know and we’ll do a drive by, LOL, free of charge, or I can tell you what she’s already said!  She’s a rather tough critic so be prepared.  If I hear “boy they’ve let their yard go” one more time…  I should keep a list of those.

Anyway, Mama and I were sitting in my car waiting for someone who was meeting me and she looked right into my eyes and said, “Do I know you?” and smiled a very slight smile like she was trying to be friendly while asking the question. While Mama has forgotten Mitch’s name almost entirely, forgotten really everyone’s name but mine and Daddy’s, it was hard to hear although I knew in my heart these times were coming.  I looked at Mama directly in the eyes and it was one of those moments, so strange to think my own Mama was looking at her daughter’s face and didn’t know who she was but yet she felt safe with me obviously.  It was like her eyes were so empty but her face, her face was that of my Mama.  I asked her as lightheartedly as I could, “Oh come on, you don’t know who I am?” and bless her heart, she studied my face as if trying so hard to find me, as if she so desperately wanted to know who I was, and slowly shook her head no. I wanted to cry but didn’t want to scare her.  At the same time, I was almost oddly prepared as I knew it was coming.  I asked her if she knew her daughter’s name and she said Tracey.  I asked her if she thought I might be Tracey and she said, “I don’t know.”  Within seconds, she looked away, looked back, and said, “What are we waiting on?  We can go now.”  Mama doesn’t like to sit for long.  So off we go on our tour around Mebane and our occasional venture into Burlington, which means packing a lunch as I like to say when I have to go that far.  

One thing about it, Mama may not remember much, but she can sure tell me how to get to where I’m going… “Don’t we need to take this exit?” and “Don’t we need to turn here?” and she’s right every time.  And if you drive past that road or that exit, be ready to explain.

3 thoughts on “I knew it was coming…

  1. Gwen Jeffries says:

    Tracey,
    My time is so limited- just like yours, and I admit, I don’t get a chance to read all of you posts, but yesterday, I had told Brandon I would take him ‘over to Burlington’ to visit with one of his friends.- Still seems so odd to have to drive for him at the age of 21… but what caught my eye in your post and lured me to read on were the words “Drivin Miss Daisy.” So here we were- and I was backing the car out of the garage, he turned to me and said, ‘ This is like Driving Miss Daisy, except Miss Daisy is drivin me. Or should we call her something else?” As I looked over, we both laughed and I said, “No, Daisy works well for me.” I realize how much healing I need to do as I am going thru changes with Brandon. I am not sure when I can find the time, but writing is such a powerful tool. I hope I can follow your path and begin to do the same. I commend you for so openly sharing your moments and giving me inspiration to journal my moments and channel my emotions and feelings. Blessings and prayers. May you continue to ~ Be Encouraged! ♥

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  2. Martha Guthrie says:

    Tracey, you and your family remain in my prayers. You all are dealing with such a horrible illness, one that steals away your loved one’s memories of you and the times you have shared. But it can’t steal away the memories you have of your Mom, all those wonderful times, the laughter, the holidays, and her beautiful smile. Hold close those. Shed those tears where she can’t see them – and smile as you can when “Miss Daisy” is giving directions and critiquing those yards. Thanks so much for sharing your time, and experiences with each of us. God bless you all.

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  3. Louise says:

    Tracey, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily! I don’t know first hand what you are going thru, but each time I read your “Moments with Mama” I am reminded how quickly our lives can change. God Bless You All!!

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